An Offering

River #hope #fear #love

Everything we do

is an offering

these days even my spits a gift to the ground

to the plants

and i bury the end of my blunt while i’m thanking the trees

like i’m blessing the dirt like this the only ritual i’ll stick to

And everything we do is an offering

So i’m still trying to watch what words come out my mouth and

Choose which thoughts i listen to more carefully

I’m wondering who suffering stains dark red my hand

When i trade in these dollars for some plastic wrapped bullshit

Enough gas to get me to the beach and back then

Thousands of miles away from this city

 And i'm practicing my apologies in the car

All the ones i haven’t offered yet

Because im scared i can’t make them words so

I sit and just watch them

Listen and think and

Try to remember for when i need them

And i’ll offer my love in exchange for your presence

Cuz i’m still struggling to offer myself peace inside any four walls

Over anyones four wheels when ive fucked up for the fourth time

Or something hurts so bad i feel 14

Everytime i forget to respond to something important

Forget what to say forget how to be

When i can’t rest in this form and these features and this voice and

most days around 4:00 cuz most of the days already passed

Before my eyes

Because im still tryna see myself before im 24

Still tryna remember to let myself be seen, before you leave…

Before i remember everythings an offering

And i want to be seen someone kind

Something vulnerable so real it’s already heartbreaking

     Shed my shame until my presence is immediately disruptive 

Offer my fear to the fire of love

The flame of intimacy

     So you can find me …

So the next time i’ve got your heart in my mouth

i’m not choking on the blood dripping down my throat

I’m not scared to be seen

Crimson honey leaking from between my lips

No longer petrified that you’ll tear your heart from my mouth

or tempted to take mine first

But as my teeth sink deeper

Our dance becomes softer

Our laughter become stronger more frequent

Even when your veins are thick or your body is far

I want to offer you my greatest love letters

Even when i inevitably freeze from fear

I want to offer myself forgiveness

I still want to face you

Unafraid of the future

Unafraid of myself

I am aware that everything we do

is an offering

To this moment to all expanding time moments beyond now

To outliving these oppressive patterns

Honoring and embodying these sacred life cycles

To earth, all elements, all being which has created us

Among who we ceaselessly create

So it is joyfully that i rest rest in your cavities

and gratefully i awake to everything else

And in bliss i offer myself to the process today

// And when i blink

And find myself in the belly of night

When i break and bend and bow before reflections

I will seek raven – do not cower do not relapse

Wide eyed creature  you can honor the void

You can hold the wholly magic you can offer this self you sit with

To darkness and be transformed in the mystery

Reworked nonphysical

 Cosmic hearted creature 

You can heal and release your consciousness here

                                                              Hear your breathing

                                                         Thank  you    for being  here