How the Wizarding World Became Straight

Nephrite #BTS #Draco Malfoy #fan-fiction #vampire

Part 1: the trauma

Draco sprinted through the trees, his soaked cloak flapping in the wind, slapping against his skinny ankles. “Damn my ankles are cold” he thought, after all he was 7 feet tall, and most pants just weren’t long enough, even with the seams let out. His gay ass platform boots squelched in the mud with every step, a constant metaphor for his traumatic past bogging him down. Though in this case, it was quite a lot more literal, as it was exactly what he was running from.

Draco didn’t always know he was gay. At hogwarts girls would ask him out left and right: Cho Chang, Hermione (though she would never publicly admit it to her friends harry and ron), Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way (and all those other emo bitches), as well as even some vampire girls! Most didn’t know, as he was very human passing, but Draco was in fact half vampire. Of course he had to hide this identity… he was born out of a marital affair and thusly was the only vampire in the family. It was a constant identity crisis. Adding onto his trauma, and sexy gaunt eyebags.

But Draco rejected every one of them, they were of course beautiful, even drop dead stunning, but that spark just was not there. But then, Draco discovered Kpop. And his bias::: Jimin. Jimin’s silky black hair, soft pouty lips, bussin dance moves, and iridescent voice captivated Draco. Draco also loved how Jimin had such a cute resting bitch face in certain pictures, because Draco felt he was very relatable, as Draco was also gaslighting, gatekeeping, and girlbossing through his own life. Draco had a Jimin shrine, Draco lived for Jimin, breathed for Jimin, and made his psychedelic punk rock alt band for Jimin. One day, Draco was determined to have Jimin join his band: Funko Draco Punko.

But this happy girlipop era was short lived, for soon his world came shattering down because the boy who was not unalived came to hogwarts, and Draco realized he had bigger selkies to fry: making sure Harry didn’t rule the school as the cool alt gayboi. Because Harry’s Twitch regularly had 1 million views, which may not seem like a lot.. But the wizarding world is a lot smaller. Draco seethed as he listened to Like Crazy (english version) and nibbled the end of his quill. He knew it was only because Harry wore those cute cat headphones and strawberry girl makeup. Harry was too kawaii for Draco to compete with, especially with Draco’s thick eyeliner, iron chains, and deadboi aesthetic. His half vampire blood also only exacerbated the problem, as he was practically translucent when he was angry or embarrassed (because he was so pale and a vampire), and was too invisible to even be cute anymore! Draco buried himself in his magic, killing Harry’s confidence, and Korean class. He was very good at korean.

But then one day turing Saturday Korean tutoring, Harry joined the Korean class. And somehow was fluent?? Language classes were stressful enough because the lowkey competition and toxic learning environment! But this was the last straw on the haystack of misery or whatever the saying is. Draco was livid, and shed some blood tears, then quickly ran away so no one would know he was a vampire. Though it doesn’t even matter anyway, because with Harry’s kawaii twitch streams, and perfect korean, Harry was bound to catch the eyes of beautiful Jimin and it was over for Draco!

Anyways as Draco sprinted through the forbidden forest and away from this trauma, he ran into an invisible wall. “WHat the fuck!” He yelled, wiping boiling blood tears from his eyes. Then suddenly, the wall shimmered and a towering castle flickered into view. Draco gasped… the coveted rumored BTS castle??!?!?!? There were soaring glass trellises and flying korean buttresses. Gargoyles of each of BTS’ little mascot thingies lined the peaks of the castle, warding off other Kpop group’s success (fuck NCT). Soft strains of Dynamite - Acoustic remix tingled out of the vertically rectangular windows. The air pulsated with BTS energy, and Draco felt his big emotions slink to the back of his mind. “This is my chance” he whispered “My chance to seduce my loml: Jimin!”

Draco danced and shimmied his way inside to the last riffs of Dynamite- acoustic remix, and stepped into the grand hall to the tune of permission to dance.

Part 2: the confession

“We’ve been waiting for you.” boomed a voice [in Korean]. “Who, me?” Draco murmured, batting his eyelids. A rainbow disco light flooded on illuminating Jin, Suga, J-Hope, RM, V, Jungkook, and, Draco’s beloved, Jimin. Draco was honored to be there, they were all wearing cozy sweat pants and wife beaters, clearly taking a needed rest from their busy idol schedules. Draco stared wistfully at Jimin. His hair was perfectly tousled, framing his beautiful face. His muscles rippled as he reached up to fiddle with his locket chain. Draco nearly giggled, he knew Jimin had ADHD (even though Draco didn’t), and his restlessness only proved how well Draco spiritually knew Jimin! Draco sighed in bliss, as Jimin’s lavendery scent wafted towards him.

Then suddenly, Draco heard a click, and the locket fell open as if in slow mo. Then Draco’s half-vampire super senses honed in like a mirrorless digital camera… and Draco choked on his breath. The picture in the locket was no other than Renjun from NCT! Draco’s vision blurred, his heart felt hot, and his brain turned to mush. Jimin… and Renjun??? How could this be? Draco had spent every waking minute indulging in deep dives into the internet, researching Jimin’s life, and performing satanic rituals to ensure their intertwined fate. But now this little ho Renjun had stolen his precious Jimin away??

Draco began to grunt and moan, his canines elongated into full vampire fangs, and his muscles rippled in a skinny but still toned typa way. He lunged at Jimin with a roar, his chilly arctic eyes suddenly alive with flames. He wanted one thing and one thing only: to suck the life out of Jimin. If Draco couldn’t have him, then no one should have him at all. Draco’s hands grappled Jimin’s shoulder and the nape of his neck, and his fangs closed in.

Then suddenly, a warm body shot in between and yelled “STOPPP” [in korean].

“Don’t be a toxic ass bitch Draco. I know you’re better than that. I know you’ve been through so much, with your trauma and stuff.” [this is all in Korean btw, draco’s proficiency is pretty high like a solid 3 on the OPIc with developing skills at level 4]

“Draco. Ive been watching you. I admire everything you do. Funko Draco Punko is my favorite band. I love how you tie in so much symbolism between your mixed vampire-human identity and your crooning dark gothic lyrics. I know you draco, I understand you. You def aren’t as cool as Harry Potter. I neeeed you. You are MY idol, Draco”

Draco was speechless. The fire disappeared from his piercing tranquil blue eyes and he looked down into the orbs of the person who had just spoken those beautiful words.

“Jungkook?” Draco breathed

Part 3: the first anniversary

Draco opened his groggy eyes. Before him lay the angelic face of Jungkook. Draco felt nothing but love and affection: here was his savior who had stopped him from killing Jimin, thus exposing his identity as vampire and getting him kicked out of hogwarts! If Draco had been kicked out of hogwarts, his family would be appalled. And nothing is more important than the Malfoy family’s approval. Filial piety ran strong in Draco.

Draco watched Jungkook sleep for another 7 and a half minutes. Then softly got up and padded down the stairway and to the BTS mansion kitchen. Then he cooked Jungkook a delicious breakfast of eggs, bacon, and waffles with blood- strawberry syrup. The blood strawberry syrup was to reminisce on the first day they met, today on their second day anniversary. Suddenly Renjun and Jimin walked in, hand in hand. Draco nodded “sup” to them. Yesterday after Jungkook stopped Draco, Jimin was initially really angry. But after a little talk, they cleared the air and now were close friends on instagram!

Draco was about to bring the breakfast feast up to Junkook, but then Jungcook padded into the kitchen and kissed Draco on the cheek. The four of them, Draco, Jungkook, Jimin, and Renjun all walked into the dining hall to eat together. They sat down at the kitchen table in chairs poised like thrones. Draco was on top of the world, he was with his new true love, Jungkook, and nothing could stop their happiness. Then suddenly Lucius Malfoy, Draco’s dad, stormed in.

“DRACOOOO” he roared “what are you doing with JUNGKOOK!!!”

“He’s the loml!” Draco bravely cried back. Draco had pretty low self esteem, so this was a big deal.

“Jungkook has six-lobe piercings (two on the right and four on the left), two helix piercings, and one eyebrow piercing, that is too many holes! It’s dishonorable Draco, how shameful for a half vampire half emo teenage wizard like yourself to be so infatuated with someone who would voluntarily puncture so many holes in their body! It’s bad enough that you have the spontaneous urge to puncture holes in other people, because youre half vampire, but this is low. Even for you!”

Draco shed bloody vampire tears. He always hated that he was half vampire, it isolated him from the Malfoy family. He had always taken on this burden himself. But he just couldn’t control himself anymore

“Father, if you had not whored around so much on mother, I would be able to love who I want to love! And marry who I want to marry! Fuck you and your libido!”

Lucius was speechless. Then he quietly and dangerously whispered “I thought this might happen.” Then Lucius took out his wand, waved it, and muttered “apparate”. His surroundings, the BTS mansion, and Junkook pixelated away, as Draco was tearfully whisked back to the Malfoy mansion.

Part 4: the starcrossed fate

Draco was even more emo than ever before. His heart longed for Jungkook. He even dyed his hair black, the color of deepest darkest mourning in wizard culture. Draco and Jungkook had been staying in contact through the lyrics of Jungkook’s songs, like Seven Days a Week which Draco knew was a secret message from Jungkook. Alas, Junggkook could not come visit Draco because Hybe Co was trying to cover up the dramatic whirlwind love between Jungkook and Funko Draco Punko star, Draco Malfoy.

Even more pressing, it had been 9 months, and Draco had been hiding from the Malfoys that he was pregnant! With Jungkook’s baby!! Everyone stared at Draco in between his wizardry classes and in the hallways, they knew that something was off with Draco, but just could not figure out what!

Then suddenly, there was a ruckus in the great hall. Draco ran to go look at all the hubbub. Then he gasped. The great hall was covered with massive flyers of Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way kissing… Harry Potter??? Harry Potter gayboi twitch icon?????? The school was rioting, after all Harry hung up a gay flag in his room in the background of his twitch streams, and publicly talked about his struggles as a gayboi in the limelight of society! But now…. He was a lying sneaking sneaky snake! “And they say slytherins are sneaky” Draco muttered to himself saltily. Then he trudged back to the dorms. He didn’t have time anymore for drama like that. He had bigger selkies to fry.

After these two events, Hogwarts descended into hetero-hell. The two icons of the gay scene now retreating into the shadows and crevices of society gave way for the boring ass straight jocks to rule the school. Sparkle, pizzazz, and rainbows left hogwarts creating an empty shell of the queer haven it used to be. The rest of the gays became closeted again. A random writer named JK Rowling visited and saw the gloom, then wrote a best selling book on the now decrepit lives of wizard teenagers. Time passed, plots thickened and thinned. Lives were lived, lives were lost. Voldemort came to power, then faded away again. Draco and Harry remained washed up legends of before. Jungkook never had time to visit Draco. Time seemed to lose meaning and purpose as the starcrossed fates of Draco and Jungkook gradually drifted apart. Henceforth this generation of wizards forever lost queer joy.

Pen drawing of Draco on notebook paper Pen drawing of Jungkook on notebook paper